‘’Silence is a dangerous poison for children!’’ says psychiatrist, psychotherapist and communications expert Dr. Željko Čurić, who is known in Slovenia and in the world because of his public speeches about recognizing suicidal tendencies.
Which is the most important need a human being has? Food? Water? No! The most important need, which mustn’t be confused as a wish, is the need for physical contact, a hug, and the need to be noticed. To be seen by the world!
Dr. Željko Čurić explained how destructive and deadly it can be if this need in a child is left unfulfilled through the example of Russian orphans, in an interview on the ‘Good morning’ show on TV Slovenia (http://4d.rtvslo.si/arhiv/dobro-jutro-prispevki/174315846). Despite being properly fed and having their sanitary needs taken care of, many of the children died.
Our silence can literally kill. Irreversible damage is inflicted upon a child, during the first three years of his life, if he doesn’t receive enough attention or if we ignore him as a form of punishment. This can bring out the forming of suicidal thoughts in the child: ‘’It would be better if I wasn’t here,’’ because that is what our silence says to the child. Withholding our affection and attention sends the message: you don’t exist to me and it would be better if you weren’t here.
Why do parents do this? Using ‘the silent treatment’ as punishment is a normal parenting method all over the word and has been instilled into the culture. No wonder the suicide rates are very high. But can we put an end to it?
Of course. As Željko says: ‘’I feel my emotions, I choose my behaviour! It is easy to show empathy towards agreeable people, but to show empathy towards unlikeable people is the skill of a professional.’’ This skill can be attained by improving yourself and using specific techniques, many of which NLP (neuro-linguistics programming) provides.
Children see us as almighty and worthy of unlimited trust. But are we really deserving of that kind of adoration? I am appalled when I hear some of things parents say, make up, lie about and do to their children in schools, kindergartens and playgrounds. Children absorb their parents’ words and actions like little sponges, and that becomes their world, their reality.
It’s time for us to start realising that children are also PEOPLE. Small people nonetheless, which means they are even more vulnerable. We must become aware that their emotions are more fragile, and that makes it even harder for them when they can’t control their feelings. Let us set a good example for our children and others, let’s be warm and understanding human beings, the likes of which we want our children to grow in to.
Leja Mahnič
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